It An't no Fairy Tale

You remember how it was back in high school when you just thought you knew what love was. You had your little high school sweetheart that you just swore you were going to marry, and some do actually marry their high school sweetheart. But then folks go away to college and things change. Next thing you know, your hurt, because the person you knew you were going to spend the rest of your life with changed. And if you were honest, you changed too. We say we want to do a lot of things when were young, when the reality is leaving high school begins the process of us learning who we are. It’s hard for young folks to stay married, because they are still learning about themselves and what their place in life really is. We fall in love and we make decisions based on being with that person, and when things don’t work out, and we all hurt, then it’s kind of like what am I going to do now? Time you could have spend being productive you spent getting over that person. If you are like me, you’ve been hurt a few times. But I don’t blame the dudes; they were just being who they were. I really didn’t know how I deserved to be treated. And now after the experiences of past relationships, and growing into womanhood, I look back and realize that I got hurt because I chose to be with dudes that didn’t know how to treat me like a lady, and I didn’t act like one either. I grew up a tomboy and a little tough so I really didn’t know how to act like a lady. I will never be a prissy chic, but I’ve learned that men treat you how you demand to be treated. It’s funny cus you couldn’t get me to wear the make-up I wear now back then. I must admit after years of sitting on a basketball bench, learning how to sit with my ankles crossed is a little bit of a challenge. But nonetheless, I’m not damaged or anything because I’ve been hurt, that’s part of life, I really don’t see how anyone can avoid hurt. I’m still that chic that loves hard, and I would never let anyone change that about me. I can say from all the hurt from my past relationships has made me see what I really deserve; a man that will treat me like a lady, because I am one.  I’ve had people tell me that I want too much in a guy and that I’m never going to find the guy I want. My thing is, I want a man who is going to love me as Christ loves the church; if you’re a man of God, what’s so hard about that? I’m not picky, I’m just not going to settle. I believe people chose their mates based on how they see themselves. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not going to choose someone who really loves you for you. I don’t know bout you, but me is all I can be, so if a guy can’t love me for that, then he is just not the one. I’m not that same chic in high school with these lala dreams of getting married. I’m older and wiser now and I realize, as pastor Robert Poole puts it best, “It an’t no fairy tale.”

Carefree

So God speaks to me often through the relationship I have with my son. Looking at him, I get to thinking how he thinks I can do anything. It never enters his mind when he asks me for something that I can’t do it. There is no doubt in his mind and he is very persistent. He has no idea how I have to pay bills so we can have lights, watch TV, play on the computer, etc. He doesn’t know where the money comes from that buys his toys, his clothes, his shoes or anything else. He doesn’t ask me how I’m going to get it nor does he care; he trust that I’m going to make it happen if I say yes. All he knows is he has what he needs and if it’s my will he gets what he wants. He has a carefree life. He doesn’t worry about anything, lol. He knows it’s not his job to take care of himself. So I get to thinking how awesome that will be when I receive God in that manner. God is taking care of me; not caring how He is going to make it happen; believing that when I ask I’m going to receive according to His will. It will be awesome to see God the way my son sees me. Then I will be able to have a carefree life too. (Mat.6:31-33)

First Time Parent

I have experienced being a first time parent twice. In 2003, I became pregnant, but a few months later the baby died. The definition of a parent is a mother or father; any organism that produces another. By that definition, even though the baby never birth out of me, I was a parent. When a female finds out that she is pregnant, she becomes attached immediately as if she is already holding the baby in her arms. Think about it. When a woman becomes pregnant, she has to make decisions that are good for the baby, like what to eat, monitoring her stress, physical activities, or the people she fellowships with. That all falls into being a parent because, the life inside the woman makes her a mother. She has to take care of the baby while he or she is in the womb as well as when the baby comes out. I was not married the first time I was pregnant, and I was nervous and excited. I see a child as a blessing and the Bible states so. When I found out I was pregnant, I started to make decisions that would be beneficial to my baby. I felt like a mother and I even talked to the baby. When I lost the baby, I was devastated.  I guess you can say I was emotionally unstable at the time, because I wanted to be pregnant again. I was scared that I was going to be one of those females who couldn’t have a baby, so I got pregnant on purpose the second time to prove to myself that  I could birth a baby. Foolish, I know. However, this pregnancy was successful.  With this pregnancy, I became a first time parent for the second time. This time becoming a parent was difficult. My son was born with complications. He spent the first 4 ½ months of his life in the hospital. I really had to trust God. When the doctors said my son my never walk or talk right, I had to trust God. When they said he would never drink from a bottle, I had to trust God. When the hospital overdosed him, I had to trust God. It was hard as a parent to see my child suffer the way he did. Now after being on oxygen for 2 ½ years, coming home with a feeding tube, two monitors, seven medications, and many surgeries later he is now a thriving six year-old! Anyone who did not see him back then would never guess he has suffered any. It was hard, but being the mother that I am, I had to be strong and trust God. I want God to be proud that he put Nehemiah Daniel Lumpkins on this earth for me to raise. I believe the baby that died inside of me is in heaven, and one day we will meet. How awesome that will be! Peace

Gentleman

Whats going on with dudes now a days. Like can I get a gentleman. What happened to opening the car door for a lady? What happened to helping a lady put a coat on? What happened to flowers? What happened to ladies first; especially when it comes to ordering? I’m just saying. Call me old fashion but I think that being a gentleman is important. Now a days, dudes are like well ya women all for equality, when the fact of the matter is we are not equal. Equal by definition means the same as; evenly proportioned. We are not the same as men and we are certainly not proportioned the same. I know some women feel as though we can do what men do, but that is a lie from the devil. We can’t any more than them being able to do what we do. Men can’t have babies. They are not nurturers by nature. We women of course are smarter, that’s why God puts us on this earth to help them. They need help. Men bodies are built differently, because they were created to labor, not us. If you ask me, I prefer the original plan. And to be honest, things were better when the women stayed home. Everything was balanced. Now you have kids growing up and their parents don’t even know them because they are both working. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Where are the gentlemen at? I know there are a lot of men growing up without a father and everything, but a mother can teach her son how to treat a lady. What better way learn how to treat a lady than from a lady. I’m just saying. So fellas hint hint. And ladies, stop acting like can’t nobody do nothing for you and you are equal to a man, because we are not. A turn on for me is when a man can order for me because he knows what I like. Yeahers.

You know, its so easy to point a finger. Its so much easier to be in a situation and want to tell God about the other person or people. We want to point out what the other person did or didn’t do.Why can’t we say “God show me me in this situation.” I believe God will be so pleased with that. Its easy to look at someone else than it is to look at yourself. Its like when you forgive, your forgiveness is not based on wether the other person recieves it or not. It’s about you letting go. If the other person doesn’t receive than you can only pray and trust God for that other person. I believe when both parties are Christians and each goes to God about themselves in the situation instead of the other person, then God will deal with the other person. I know its hard sometimes when someone hurts you but pointing fingers doesn’t heal anything. It just allows for the enemy to come in with all sorts of thoughts. I’m pretty sure there a lot of married folks you can talk to and their spouse did something wrong and when they go to God, God deals with them about them not the spouse. In turn God deals with the spouse and works it out. We need God to show us us. We should never think we are never wrong or above anybody. The enemy is real decietful. So wether its an argument with a spouse, friend, parent or sibling, don’t go run to God about how wrong they are, ask God to show you you in the situation and what you are to do. No one is born sinless and God could point out a lot of wrongs that we have done, but then that wouldn’t be love. So reguardless of how someone treats you love with the love of the Lord.

My thoughts

I have decided to do a blog posting my thoughts. I have a lot that goes through my mind. I'm just getting into writing, so I figure this will be a good way to see how folks view my writing. I am currently a single mother of a 6 year-old boy, who keeps me laughing. After serving 6 years in the military, I am now a full time student pursuing a degree in Studio Production, with a goal of having my own talk show. My ultimate goal is to love with the love of the Lord twards all! After all, I am nothing without Him! Peace.